Tomorrow it will be two years since Jim died. As I think of him often anyway, I decided to read a bit of Epictetus this week because that is what he read most before he died. He always tried to consider what was reasonable and act accordingly; although, he was given to imagination and emotion and sometimes had to exercise real effort in order to impose what was reasonable on himself. Epictitus was a Stoic philosopher who stressed the importance of developing ones being independently of external circumstances, the realization that happiness comes from within and the duty of respecting the voice of reason. I know little of this, but I was aware of how Jim mastered many of his less noble instincts in his final days and made a serious effort to face what he finally accepted as his inevitable death with Stoicism. It made living with him at that time much easier for me than I could have imagined it would be. I hope and truly think it helped him. In the last few months, he never complained and always tried to do all he could to make the most of the time he had with his family and friends. When he had completed his first bout of Chemotherapy, he wanted desperately to be accepted into a trial at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. They were experimenting with some form of immunization as a way of prolonging the lives of patients suffering from exactly the lung cancer he had, but as his metastases continued to grow, he was not accepted. He continued to do everything possible to improve his chances, but in the last few months he accepted that there was no hope of prolonging his life. Near the end he entered a trial solely because he thought it might help the general understanding of the effect of certain terminal drugs. He was on Tarceva, the last stage of Chemo., and as it seemed that it worked better on people who took statins for high cholesterol, he agreed to try a very high dose of a statins; although, he knew it would make little or no difference for him. Ultimately, it destroyed his kidneys and he died very quickly. He seemed to have accepted his life and death at the end. It had not been easy for him. He was a born malcontent and had had to bridle his emotions and accept that he had lived as he could and now he must die as he had learned. Certainly for me, his death was an admirable one. He cherished his family and friends and did all he could to help them face what he had accepted. Being with him then has helped me continue without him since.
“Reflect that the chief source of all evils to Man, and of baseness and cowardice, is not death, but fear of death. Against this fear then, I pray you, harden yourself; to this let all your reasonings, your exercises, your reading tend. Then shall you know that thus alone are men set free.” Epictitus
“Try to enjoy the great festival of life with other men.” Epictitus
I am looking after Osito at the moment, and we have had some good walks. The film festival is on here, so I am either walking or sitting watching movies. Bill had told me that ‘Starbuck’ was very funny. I saw it last night and it was.
Back to the Grey Canal. It's one of Osito's favourite walks. This time I saw a sign that talks about early Belgian orchardists.
Eeyore and two cavorting llamas
The llamas carry on celebrating spring
A view across the valley. If you click on the picture, you will see the snowy mountains in the distance.
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