April 5, 2013

Thursday, April 4, 2013 began with mom discovering that another thing was broken.  Their 1991 Honda Accord, which the Honda people say is a beauty; 1991 and 1993 were apparently vintage years for Honda, wouldn’t start after spending 5 days parked in front of the apartment while the underground parking was being fixed up.  I could hear her cranking it over but didn’t go out to help because she is very pleased to be in charge of driving now and wouldn’t want me to suggest that I could maybe do what she couldn’t.  A man of course would be able to help, but not a woman.  We decided to leave it and call ICBC in the evening.  And dad is not in very good shape today.  I drove mom to get her hair done and then we came to the hospital.  When mom first saw dad, he was flat on his back and sound asleep.  She got his attention, and all he said was, “I’m falling apart.”  By the time I had parked the car and arrived in the room, he was sound asleep again.  I left mom with him and went to the sunroom to read.  A few minutes later I heard mom talking with a nurse.  Mom was in tears and couldn’t figure out what was happening.  She was angry that ‘they’ were wearing him out.  For once I didn’t aggravate her but rather was able to calm her by saying that they’re only doing what they have to if he’s ever going to get out of bed.  I expected she’d accuse me of taking ‘their’ side, but she didn’t.  She merely nodded and stopped sobbing; we walked back into dad’s room.  He slept until lunch came, ate all the juicy things on the tray plus about 3 bites of tuna sandwich and then went back to sleep after telling mom and me to take care of ourselves and have some lunch.  He was sound asleep when we got back; I left mom with him because she didn’t want to do anything else.  I’m in the hospital lounge, in a comfy chair by a big window looking out at the grey day, the soft rain and water falling over grey rocks.

Dad was better by the time I got back and we left him ready to sleep.  We went home, mom tried the car again with no luck, and we called ICBC.  A man came within an hour and started the car after a couple of turns.  Whatever!  We were just happy to have it back in the underground parking, where it will stay for a while because I’m doing the driving while I’m here, which might be for a while.  Mom is still convinced that dad will get back to the apartment.  She doesn’t want to talk to anyone about the future.  There’s a nurse/liaison whose job it is to work with patients and service providers to find out what the best plan would be for when a patient is released from hospital; she approached dad who told her he can’t think of what to do.  He told her to talk to his wife, but when he mentioned it to mom, she just shrugged and said that she wasn’t going to go looking for her.  If the woman finds her, they’ll talk, but mom wants to put the meeting off as long as possible, hoping dad will make some miraculous progress in the mean time.

Now it’s Friday night.  Dad was the best he’s ever been today except that he was worrying that ‘they’ were going to move him out of the hospital with no warning.  Mom was worried about his worrying so she finally went to the nursing station to get some information.  Fortunately an older nurse was there who talked well and at length with mom so that she could return to dad with some information to calm him.  I think that he’s almost over the effects of the anesthetic and drugs and will be able to get down to physiotherapy next week.  I’ve always had more confidence in the people who are looking after dad than my parents have, but I agree with them about the fact that patients are not well informed about what’s happening to them.  Mom tells dad to stay calm and he tells her to do the same, but the patience they have between them could stretch out on the head of a pin.  I’ve just finished spending about 20min. on the balcony doing my physiotherapy exercises and will soon be lying in bed reading and listening to the shuffle on mom’s slippers as she roams from room to room restlessly moving small things around and preparing the breakfast stuff.