Another Monday, and I am grateful for the fact that I can
talk with Jay and my friends about the maelstrom that is my involvement with
mom and dad. This time the friends
are Barbara and Terry. After a
mind-clearing and nerve-calming Skype with Jay, I went up for the daily coffee
and conversation with Barbara and Terry.
Barbara gave me some ‘Rescue Pastilles’. I sucked on one, and we all went for a walk by the water
along the Westsong Way on Songhees Point.
It’s very calming to stroll along a path with flowering Dogwood and St.
John’s Wort on one side of you and the ocean extending to bright white-capped
mountains on the other. Looking at
the boats of all sizes coming and going and watching small planes land and take
off was enough excitement for me.
Every day since I arrived in Victoria last Tuesday has been punctuated
at least once by a crisis. I could
do with less punctuation in this story.
I used to think that the point of punctuation was clarity, but even then
I knew that the exclamation mark was often unnecessary. This story has entirely too many
punctuation marks. And
unfortunately it’s not a story.
It’s life at one of its most fear-filled moments. When I’m able to be objective and
understanding, I feel genuine sympathy for mom and dad. They are old, failing and afraid of
making this move, to say nothing of death. But at other times I rage at the fact that they made no
preparation for this inevitable moment and that mom even now tries to avoid thinking
about it rationally and taking action to resolve the dilemma. She prefers to do what she has always
done, discuss stories that might be marginally connected to the issue, if that,
or else say or do something pleasant to relieve the tension when in fact
nothing will until the problem is faced and solved. Dad was feeling very low and shaking yesterday. Mom was trying to distract him but to
no avail. Finally it became clear
that he could not get the whole question of finances off his mind. He has never discussed that with me but
finally did and it’s a good thing too.
He was only prepared to present a limited view of their financial
situation to the manager of the place they hope to move to and it was obvious
to me that that was not a sufficient amount of money to cover the costs. Finally, he put everything on the
table, literally, and it was clear that all was well. We talked about what he would present at our meeting with
the manager on Tuesday and exactly what he would say and how they would arrange
to have the money pulled monthly from his bank account. He was very relieved by the end. I was too because now I know that he
will be clear and in control at the meeting. Had we not prepared, I think he would have been very
flustered. By the time all this
was over it was after 7:00pm. Our
stomachs were growling and the dinner I had prepared had been sitting in the
oven at 250c for over an hour longer than it should have. We all enjoyed the meal. After doing the dishes I left to return
to the calm and quiet of Barbara and Terry’s. Mom and dad have people in today to clean the house and help
them bathe, so we will all have a break.
When we get together for dinner tonight, I hope we will be refreshed and
ready to take the next step.
Mom and dad with the flowers Jay and I gave them for their 72nd wedding anniversary on Friday, June 20th
And again
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